Remember all those things I had to do? And all those things I had NOT to do?

Well, of all of them, the hardest one so far is:

• Do a blood test every morning

Not only because I have to psych myself into it – the “lancing device” (which I prefer to call the Instrument Of Torture) means it’s not quite as bad as sticking pins into myself, but it’s close. No, also because I DO NOT BLEED.

Please do not take that as an invitation to put it to the test. I am confident that it would be possible to MAKE me bleed, given the appropriate motivation. But in the morning, even after I wash my hands in warm water to stimulate the blood flow – heck, even after I SOAK my hands in warm water to stimulate the blood flow – I have  great difficulty getting a drop of blood big enough for testing.

Here’s what happens:

1. Get out new test strip, half insert into monitor, feel virtuous.
2. Breathe deeply and stare at Instrument Of Torture
3. Summon courage, arm and release IOT
4. Squeeze finger. Is that blood? Maybe – oo, there’s some.
5. Massage finger in direction of fingertip. Think yeah, that should be enough.
6. Push test strip into machine, wait for it to beep
7. Position test strip to suck up blood. Waitt for it to beep. Realise it’s not going to beep, and curse.
8. Prick another finger. And another. Repeat steps 3 through 7 until machine switches itself off.
9. Try switching machine back on and sucking up some more blood. Nuh-uh. Get error message.
10. Sniffle
11. etc

I turned the needle one notch higher today, which might help. Also stopped using it RIGHT NEXT TO my eee as there is something about electromagnetic interference.

Meanwhile I have used about a billion test strips today. To the extent that I have to go see my Dr tomorrow to get a prescription for more of them. And they didn’t want to give me an appointment but I must have sounded so pathetic on the phone that they gave me one.

Glucose levels in the morning are still normal but I do see them dropping. Got a slight scare this morning when I got a reading of 3.3 (they should be 5+; any less than 3 is a trigger to urgently call my specialist on her mobile). Then I rechecked (the ultimate indignity, when I had FINALLY got a reading) and got 4.9 so I guess my right hand has lower glucose readings than my left. Or I contaminated the sample somehow. OMGISUCK!!!

And then I have to go bitch about this stuff in my blog. When I would rather be writing about Good Stuff like How The Neighbours Complained. Or All The Games I Am Playing (sadly, I am not. But I did teach Mr Jack to Fraser on Wednesday night.)