Last Thursday I was chatting on Twitter with the Bigster’s French teacher. She was preparing for the first parent-teacher night of the year by watching Die Antwoord videos on YouTube and eating peanut butter with a spoon. I suggested that some parents *coughnotmeofcoursecough* prepare by drinking go-go juice & red cordial and eating jelly snakes, and she challenged me to a Montage of getting-ready-for-parent-teacher-night-shots.

Now, she was preparing on Thursday for the A to L interviews, but as proud representatives of the second half of the alphabet our interviews will be held this coming week. That makes today Getting Ready For Parent Teacher Night Day.

Now as every parent knows, the most important part of Parent Teacher Night is that it is the teachers’ only opportunity (or first opportunity) to suss out what sort of family the children come from. My godmother used to tell a story of a child standing up for show and tell to announce that “Daddy got a new car in the middle of the night last night and he was up all night repainting it in the garage”. Also there was the time that the Bigster accidentally told her Prep teacher that I was a necrophiliac. Don’t want a repeat of that happening. You have to make the Right Impression (whatever that may be – but it usually has nothing to do with sex and dead people).

Also you occasionally have to be just a little bit scary when appropriate. Which is rarely in my experience (the teachers are MUCH more scary than I am).

Pondering what to do about Parent-Teacher night. And how to look scary.

So. What did I need to do to get ready? It was time to Make a List.

Clothes maketh the man (or woman). I turned to my friend, Google Images, for advice.

It's polite to make an effort right? But I'm not sure this is the right kind of effort. Image source: http://www.theluxuryspot.com/shinfo/the-vaj-prom-dress-coming-to-a-hs-near-you/

Based on this image, I'm guessing that it should be Fraser not me who means business in the 1980s power suit. Image source: http://www.classycareergirl.com/2011/07/remember-the-power-suit/

When Google Images let me down I turned to themed clothing. Surely she’d do well in history if the teachers knew her family were All About Their Subject?

The King Tut exhibition shop has quite a lot to answer for.

There was also going to be a photo here of me holding a baguette but you will just have to imagine it.

Then I realised I was going to be coming pretty much straight from work as was Fraser. Scratch the clothes idea. I’ll win if I am reasonably clean, not too smelly, and not wearing the day’s lunch.

OMG! My whole approach had to change!

Where to from here?

Here's what I had to do

It was time to get practical. I needed a rethink.